Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
