Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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