Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
