She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
