do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
