It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she peed on how many people?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
