Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
