Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
