I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
