Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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