what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
