I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
