I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
