So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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