Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
