Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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