You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
