Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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