i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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