loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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