he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
