Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
