Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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