Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
