I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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