But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
