I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
