sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
