Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
