Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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