coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
