I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
