i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
