Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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