I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry about my life...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
