Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
