you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
