if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize