I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
