Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
