Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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