Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
