I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You ate ashes out of my bong
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
