in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm at about main and main street
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
