I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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