ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
