Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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