Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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