Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Randomize
