You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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