Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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