the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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