Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
