Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
