he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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