I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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