Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
